10 rules of housekeeping…

Dog Cleaning Up

Thanks to Mark Lowry see more of his humor here

10 rules of housekeeping…

  • “Vacuuming too often will weaken the carpet fibers.” Say this with a serious face and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.
  • Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SF factor of 5 and leave it alone.
  • Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply say, “What? And spoil the mood?”
  • Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children.
  • If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, “I’d love for you to see our den but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive.”
  • If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place an urn on the coffee table and insist that, “THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes…”
  • Don’t bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, “Johnny did this when he was two. I haven’t had the heart to clean it…”
  • In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.
  • Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch ‘The Galapagos Islands’ and claim an ecological exemption.
  • Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, “I clean and I clean and I still don’t get anywhere…”

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